Dear Future Wife of My Son

April 29, 2019

Dear Future Wife of My Son

(This has to be a bit more "generic" than my post for my daughter, since I have three sons, one of whom is already married now)

Perhaps you two have already met. Perhaps you two have yet to meet. There are a few things I’d like you to know about my son, some of which I hope you already see and know about.

My son enjoys time in nature, hiking, bicycling, photographing. He also loves animals, though maybe not quite as much as his sister does. <grin> Somehow, he is crazy about sports cars, just like his brothers and sister! (Maybe because they all like the Fast and Furious movies so much?...)

In an age where chivalry seems dead, I have done my best to teach my son to be chivalrous, gentlemanly, kind, respectful, and to treat a woman like a lady. I've taught him to hold the door open, for ladies and senior citizens. I've taught him to walk on the traffic side of the sidewalk. I've taught him to be the protector.

Yes, I know you are a strong young lady. You can open doors yourself. You can open sealed jars yourself. You can take care of yourself. But I hope you will allow my son to be a gentleman, and treat you with kindness and tenderness.

I have tried to teach him to keep his heart pure, because I know the damage and heartache pornography can cause a marriage.

Oh, yes, I've taught my son to cook, to clean house, to do laundry. He's also learned strong work ethics. Yeah, sometimes he'd rather play video games than do some of the necessary chores. Sometimes he might need to be reminded. <grin>

My son isn't perfect. He was raised by a mother who isn't perfect, either. He has lost a father and a stepdad in his life. I am hoping and praying he never experiences the pain of his own divorce.

I prayed for years for a godly father-figure to come into his life, but it seems He chose a different course for us. I've tried to train him to be the spiritual leader of his family. I hope you will allow, and encourage, him to pray with you each day, to lead you and your family in daily devotional/family worship time, and to take you (and my grandchildren, when/if they come along) to church each week.

Please, take my word for it: Communication is key to your marriage! Take time to have meaningful conversations with my son. Take time to really listen when he talks to you, too. “Be kind in speech and gentle in action, giving up your own wishes. Watch well your words, for they have a powerful influence for good or for ill. Allow no sharpness to come into your voices. Bring into your united life the fragrance of Christlikeness.” (Adventist Home, page 107)

Mrs. White further counseled: “In your life union your affections are to be tributary to each other’s happiness. Each is to minister to the happiness of the other. This is the will of God concerning you. But while you are to blend as one, neither of you is to lose his or her individuality in the other. God is the owner of your individuality. Of Him you are to ask: What is right? What is wrong? How may I best fulfill the purpose of my creation?” (Adventist Home, page 103)

In closing, I'd like to admonish you to love my son, respect him: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” Colossians 3:18, KJV. And “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Ephesians 5:22-24, KJV.

“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Ephesians 5:33, KJV. The New Century Version says it this way: “But each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and a wife must respect her husband.”

Because I have done my best to teach him: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." Ephesians 5:25-28, KJV.

"Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." Colosians 3:19, KJV.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends… So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13, ESV.

Love him. Respect him. Be patient with him. I know he will cherish you.

Daughter, I want you to know that I have been praying for you from the moment my son was born. I pray he will be a blessing to you, and that you will be a blessing to him, as well. Always keep Christ the Center of your home.

I love you; and welcome to the family! <3